What is safe sex?
Safe sex is more than just birth control, it’s about knowing how to take care of yourself, as a woman, how to avoid bad things from happening. There’s no guarantee nothing will happen to you, but you can arm yourself with knowledge and a way of protecting yourself from physical and emotional hurt.
Physically Looking Out For Yourself
My first recommendation is every woman should take a self defense class. Call around there are usually places that offer it, it might be a gym, or a community organization. Most women I know can’t over power a man, we just don’t have the muscle that men have. But there are a lot of moves you can learn that have nothing to do with muscle mass, it will help you to defend yourself if you end up in a bad situation.
You may think that your instincts will kick in and you’ll just know what to do. That’s not always the case, it’s the fight or flight response, and most people want to run from the situation (not a bad idea) but a lot of people end up with that deer in the headlights look and really don’t know how to save themselves. Learning a few moves could save your life.
Out For Drinks / Girls Night Out
Whether your at the bar, a lounge, a restaurant or some one’s house there is the very real and scary possibility of date rape. If you go to a party/bar with a friend make sure you both know that you are going to leave together, even if you meet someone that night. This ensures that you’re not influenced into going somewhere else.
At all times watch your drink! Never leave it unattended. Do not put it down on a table, even for a moment. Do not let that drink leave your hands, it takes 2 seconds for something to be dropped into your drink and you’d never know it. If you have to leave your drink, have your friend watch it, or just don’t drink it, order a new drink. It may seem silly but date rape does happen and drinks do get drugged. Don’t let it happen to you!
We all like dressing up to go out. But make sure it’s tasteful, if you can basically see yourself naked through your outfit, you might want to pick another one. Don’t provoke unwanted attention.
How To Avoid Emotional Hurt
Part of safe sex is keeping yourself mentally and emotionally healthy. Some people can keep sex as just sex, but not everyone can be emotionally detached from it. Frequently it means more to the woman then it does to the man. Breaking up with your sexual partner can hurt a lot, especially after you have shared something so intimate.
Start with a relationship
Starting out with a relationship before heading to bed will help you in the long run. Not only are you having sex with someone you care about, but your less likely to be that one night stand. By having a relationship you get to learn about this person, see who they are and whether or not you want to share something that special with him. The better you know the person the more intimate and special that moment will be.
But if I don’t have sex with him, he won’t want to be with me. If that’s the kind of guy he is, then you don’t want to be dating him anyways! If you do have sex with him, because your scared he will leave, he will still leave, he will have gotten what he wanted and will have no more use for you. So drop this guy, there are plenty of great men out there.
So if you are going to have a relationship when should you have sex? The simple answer is when your ready. There’s no guarantee the man will respect you if you jump into bed with him too soon. A good rule of thumb is to wait until the 5th date or later to have sex with him. You should even wait for the oral stuff too. How does this sound? “Hey I just met this girl and she already has my dick in her mouth!” That doesn’t sound good at all and there’s no respect there.
A lot of people have sex and don’t talk about it with their partner. I don’t think someone should have sex with another person if they aren’t able to talk about it with them. By not talking about it your missing a lot of information.
The first is STIs, that’s incredibly important, that’s your life we’re talking about. You need to discuss these things, find out if your partner has anything or has been recently tested. If you have an STI you need to tell your partner, if it was you, you’d want to know. Don’t give someone a life sentence.
The second thing is talking about what you like, what makes you feel good. There is no excuse for bad sex! If he cares about you, then he cares about pleasuring you. He won’t be happy if you fake it. Just tell him what you like, or guide him to what you like. He will tell you what he likes, and if he’s not, ask him, we’re talking about pleasuring each other and you want it to be good!
The third is what would the other person want to do if you got pregnant? It seems like it would be too early and scary to talk about that, but that is what sex is for, reproducing, and there is always a chance that you can get pregnant. You’re ideas may be entirely different from him. You can eliminate future complications by talking about the what if, before it happens.
Saying No, It’s Easier Then You Think!
Being able to say no is really hard for some people. Here are a few situations you should say no in.
When he says thinks like:
o If you love me you’ll do it.
o If you don’t, I’ll find someone who will.
o Everyone else is doing it.
o It doesn’t matter, it’s just sex.
o My ex used to do _______ for me.
o I love you. (But says it too soon and doesn’t mean it)
o You’re just frigid.
o You don’t want to die alone do you?
o But it just feels so good.
o I promise I’ll pull out.
o I promise I won’t tell anyone.
o I just want to put it in for a second.
When he does things like:
o Gets too grabby.
o Doesn’t stop or slow down when you ask him to (you should just run when this happens).
o Doesn’t ask if you want it or not.
o Yells out someone else’s name.
o Isn’t worried about your pleasure, just his own.
o He forgets your name
o Keeps bugging you about it after you’ve already said no.
The Woman’s Survival Guide to Sexual Health